More Big Brother


Princeton University recently released the results of a study in which they found evidence of over 400 major websites using ‘session replay’ scripts.  Session replay scripts are simple pieces of website code installed on websites you visit that can track your every move.  This includes passwords and mouse movements.

Supposedly the tracking is to help the website serve their customers better, but in actuality the pose a huge risk of data leak as well as unwarranted violation of privacy.

Read more at Princeton’s website.

“You may know that most websites have third-party analytics scripts that record which pages you visit and the searches you make. But lately, more and more sites use “session replay” scripts. These scripts record your keystrokes, mouse movements, and scrolling behavior, along with the entire contents of the pages you visit, and send them to third-party servers. Unlike typical analytics services that provide aggregate statistics, these scripts are intended for the recording and playback of individual browsing sessions, as if someone is looking over your shoulder.”

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Recognizing The Narcissist

Search long enough into the twilight zone of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and you will begin to wonder if you are sane yourself.

“Search long enough into the twilight zone of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and you will begin to wonder if you are sane yourself.” – DCS


There is something profoundly devastating about being married to someone you thought was the ‘love of your life’ for a decade, only to find out the individual you thought loved you, was in reality, suffering from an extreme case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and never loved you at all.  At least in the ‘normal’ usage of the word.

I have had Major Depressive Disorder for 50 years by my own estimation.  I say it that way because I clearly remember lying on the sidewalk in the warm spring sun watching the clouds overhead.  My Mother passed by and we had this conversation:
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing Mom, I’m just depressed.”
“Depressed? You’re only nine years old!”  “What could you possibly have to be depressed about!?”

Of course I had no good answer, and it was years before I did.  I was in my mid-forties before I began to seek help.


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I tell this to make it a little clearer the challenge I was facing going into the recent breakup.  Loss is one of the biggest risk factors of depression.  And YES it has been a real challenge.  This time around I acquiesced to the advice of a good friend and sought help at the nearest Behavioral Health facility.  (Hard on my pride, but good in the long run.)


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So how does this relate to Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or Borderline personality Disorder?

One of the attributes of the Narcissist is the ability to accurately assess their victim’s personality traits and know exactly how to fool you and persuade you.  And if they can, they are only too happy to make you feel like the one with the problem.  Some narcissists are attracted to others who are more emotionally stable than themselves, if only to tear them down.

  • They know all your ‘buttons’ and what to say to get what they want from you.
  • Another trait is the ability to argue in such a manner, you begin to wonder if YOU are the one who is insane!
  • Someone with NPD will argue you around and around in circles until you want to pull your hair out.
  • One thing a Narcissistic personality rarely if ever does, is accept blame or personal responsibility.
  • Everything is somehow shifted onto someone else.

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After my breakup, when I began my research to find out “…what the heck had just happened”, I began to notice that some of the symptoms experienced by Narcissistic Personality Disorders, and Borderline Personality Disorders, were traits I also exhibited from time to time.

According to Mayo Clinic Narcissistic Personality Disorder  is

“…a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.”

A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school or financial affairs. People with narcissistic personality disorder may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they’re not given the special favors or admiration they believe they deserve. They may find their relationships unfulfilling, and others may not enjoy being around them.”

Symptoms are, but not limited to:

  • An exaggerated sense of self-importance
  • A sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration
  • Expect to be recognized as superior without achievements to warrant it
  • Prone to exaggerate achievements and talents
  • Believe they are superior and can only associate with equally superior people
  • Belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior
  • Monopolize conversations
  • Will do whatever it takes to be the center of attention
  • Expects special favors and unquestioning compliance with their expectations
  • Takes advantage of others to get what they want
  • Inability to recognize the needs and feelings of others as significant
  • Envious of others
  • Believe others envy them regardless of evidence to the contrary
  • Arrogant and/or haughty manner,
  • Conceited, boastful and pretentious
  • Insist on having the best of everything
  • Insist on having their own way in everything
  • Requires a constant ongoing drama of some kind

There is some question in my mind about whether the Narcissist is completely aware of their own motives or has built their mental wall of denial so high that they cannot allow themselves to recognize their Narcissism.  On various forums I have seen those claiming to have realized they are a Narcissist and claim to feel terrible about it, but their is no way to verify whether this is true, or if they are just posting on the forum to relieve their own boredom, and to create a little drama to feed on.

…the narcissist believes that they deserve whatever you have achieved because they are better than you. Indeed, the more you have something that they don’t, the more they feel that they are better than you and deserve whatever you have. In other words, they feel that you don’t deserve it since you are not them.

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Spotting a Liar

Lying can be associated with certain mental health issues. Borderline personality disorder, depression, bipolar disorder, and narcissistic personality disorder, can all be a key factor in what makes a liar.

“The idea that you have to radically disguise your real self, jump through hoops, try new approaches in order to get a good woman is the biggest crock of manure ever sold in a collectible tin. Rest assured, if you have to twist and twirl on a circus ball to get her, you’ll have to do the same to keep her. A good woman would never do that to a man.” NiceGuy Forum

Lying can be associated with certain mental health issues. Borderline personality disorder, depression, bipolar disorder, and narcissistic personality disorder, can all be a key factor in what makes a liar.  following is an impressive TED Talk by Pamela Meyer about how to spot a liar.

 

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How to Deal With The NPD X-Factor

During my on-going research, following my recent breakup with my ‘Favorite Narcissist’, I have managed to discover a few techniques that work pretty well for surviving the breaku

During my on-going research, following my recent breakup with my ‘Favorite Narcissist’, I have managed to discover a few techniques that work pretty well for surviving the breakup.


For a while, I didn’t think I was going to make it.  I have a solemn vow to myself that I will never commit suicide, but I have to confess that there were dark thoughts running through my head.  There was also a rising sense of panic on some days that I was powerless to control.  I had always thought anxiety attacks and panic attacks were something that only happened to the weak minded, but I have had to re-think that…


Here are a few tips that will help you as you are leaving a toxic relationship.

 No Contact  Do I need to repeat that? NO! CONTACT! No matter what kind of emotional hardships you are struggling with in the aftermath of the breakup, you need to commit to a strict policy of no contact with your ex.  Yes, it hurts!  But it’s a pain that will go away as time passes.  Maintaining contact will only prolong the pain.  If this strategy is not possible because of children you share, or you work at the same company and are unable to leave your job,  keep contact to a bare minimum and use one of the two methods below.

Grayrocking  The grayrock method is a popular technique because it works so well.  It takes practice to become proficient, but the results are worth it.  The Grayrock technique just means you become as interesting as a gray rock.  You make your words and reactions to the Narcissist as bland and unemotional as possible.  All your verbal responses as short and disengaged as possible.  Because narcissistic personality disorder feeds on drama and emotional response, after a while they will seek elsewhere for their fulfillment, and leave you alone

Cognitive Reframing is an internal method for dealing with the abusive and manipulative behavior exhibited by most narcissists.  I have found it very useful in dealing with those times when you DO have to have contact.  In cognitive reframing, you simply change the way you look at something.  When your ex starts off with some story or phrase designed to manipulate you, or streams of verbal abuse when you won’t give them what they want, you have an automatic reaction.  Am I right?  So what you have to change is not your reaction, so much as how you perceive their manipulation and /or abuse.  Step outside yourself for a minute and think; “This is just a symptom of their disease, and it has nothing to do with me or who I am.”

Or whatever mantra works best for you.


Just remember, this is not your fault.  OK, so you’re not perfect!  Who is?  But what you are hearing and seeing from the ex is merely their reaction to what they percieve.  AND, their perception is grossly distorted and twisted by their personality disorder.  Therefore, what they do or say has nothing to do with you!

Reframing can actually reduce overall stress on the body, as stress is our reaction to the way we perceive events rather than a reaction to the actual event itself.  Reframing is as simple as changing the way we look at things.  You should get the help of a Mental Health professional to fully understand how it works.


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We Do Be Us…

via Daily Prompt: Dubious

The vernacular of the South can get a little confusing at times.

For instance, I have heard many Southerners use the term ‘…do be…’ in a sentence.

    • “He do be a good’un alright.”
    • “That do be ‘da troof”
    • “Any more of ‘dat, and it do be time to stop it y’all!”

So I guess the truth of the matter is, I have been here so long that it’s rubbed off on me.  When I saw the daily prompt, I thought;

“Yeah, us rednecks, we do be us!”


 

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I Am Me. The Survivor Manifesto.

I refuse to be anything other than ‘ME’…

I am me, I am me, I am me. (descending notes)

I am all I can be at this moment, considering my present circumstances which I will overcome. (LW)

I refuse to be coerced, neither by my natural biological functions nor will I be subjugated to the whim of another’s Personality Disorder.

I claim my right to immunity from the persuasive wiles practiced by those of the opposite gender, or any who would use me to further their own ulterior motives.

I am unapologetic for my stance.  If certain parties are offended by my stance, I will refrain from excessive verbosity in proclaiming my rather obvious liberty to be ‘ME’, but their ignorance will not dictate who I am.

I have a responsibility to God and man tobe the best I can be.

I will teach those willing to learn, help those who help themselves, and refrain from being an enabler by excessive giving.

It is my belief that if you give too much, you do the other person a disservice.  They may have never learned that the bread you earn by your own efforts always tastes better than that given to you on a routine basis, but a lack of willingness to contribute to their own circumstance is not my concern or responsibility.

I will strive to become more, more than I already am, more of a beneficial element to this world in which I find myself.

Time is fleeting.  There is much I would like to achieve.  Therefore I have no time to waste on games of foolishness.

I have no time to waste in argument with one whose purpose is not to understand, but merely to argue.  I don’t have time for your drama. (and neither do you)

I refuse to feed another’s Personality Disorder.  I will grayrock you at the drop of a hat. I am not being rude, but my interacting with your Narcissism only feeds the problem.  If I can’t help the problem, the least I can do is not add fuel to the fire.

Furthermore;

  • I intend to enjoy my remaining years.  I no longer have time to waste.

“A manifesto is a published verbal declaration of the intentions, motives, or views of the issuer, be it an individual, group, political party or government.  It often is political or artistic in nature, but may present an individual’s life stance.”   Wikipedia


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